I was pulled into a conversation recently by a woman talking
about a man that used to be in her life. She had been struggling with the fact
that she couldn’t let go of “what was” or what could have been.
As I engaged her in conversation, she informed me that this
unfortunate parting happened 20 years ago! She had been emotionally carrying
this man around for two decades. Her life had literally been hijacked and she
had become a prisoner of her own mind.
Not surprisingly, she had not allowed anyone to get close to
her over the years. She even dressed the part, all covered up like she was
hiding from the world, protecting her heart from being broken again. She wore a turtleneck and a scarf covered by
a coat that was buttoned from the top to bottom. She looked stiff and
imprisoned.
I expressed my sympathies and asked her if she would be open to letting go of her heavy burden. She nodded yes, but I could see the skepticism in her eyes. After all, she had been lugging around this heavy heart for twenty years, what could I offer that would help her?
I expressed my sympathies and asked her if she would be open to letting go of her heavy burden. She nodded yes, but I could see the skepticism in her eyes. After all, she had been lugging around this heavy heart for twenty years, what could I offer that would help her?
I asked her if she knew about meridian tapping or EFT as it
is commonly called and she shook her head no. I briefly explained the concept
and said that I was willing to work with her right at that moment if she was
willing. She definitely was!
She began to explain the events surrounding the break up,
her eyes filled with tears. She was definitely a “10+” on the emotional scale.
She had been this emotionally charged for twenty years.
She sobbed as she told me the story and I physically tapped
on her acupressure points, allowing her to talk and cry. After a few rounds, I
stopped her and asked her to take a deep breath. She seemed a little calmer as she wiped her
tears away.
She continued her story as I tapped. She explained that he
had moved on, married, started a family and still she couldn’t let go of what
could have been. The tears started flowing harder as she imagined him happy
with his new life, his new family. She couldn’t understand how he could be so
happy without her.
After a few more rounds, she breathed deeply and yawned and
started to settle down once again.
Her sadness then turned to anger as she realized all the
lost years she had spent thinking about “what could have been”.
All the lost
relationships, all the happy memories she could have created had she not
tortured herself by living in the past. She had put her life on hold for twenty
years as she gazed into the rear view mirror of her life.
We tapped her anger from a 10 to a 1 when she realized that she was angry at herself, not the man that left her 20 years ago. She had made the choice not to forgive and move on. She soon realized she had been playing the victim card all along, feeling sorry for herself. It was easier to play victim than it was to take responsibility for her own happiness and move on.
Too often we get caught up in the “poor me, look what happened to me” mantra, and we don’t pick ourselves up and forge ahead. We search for happiness outside ourselves, instead of looking inside ourselves to find peace and happiness.
Once we realize we are not victims, we can then find the lesson in the experience. It is often the darkest moments of our lives that cause us to grow the most, if we allow it.
I saw “Carol” recently and she looked years younger! She carried herself differently and even dressed differently. Her clothes were lighter in color, were flowing and had a carefree feel to them. She was so excited to tell me that she had been out on several dates and, in fact, she had found someone she loved spending time with. Nothing serious had materialized yet, but she had not ruled it out. She was finally experiencing the happiness she had been seeking for so many years!
If you are at a place in your life where you can’t move forward because you are looking in the rear view mirror of life, try tapping. Tap away the anger, the betrayal and the hurt and start a new chapter.
We tapped her anger from a 10 to a 1 when she realized that she was angry at herself, not the man that left her 20 years ago. She had made the choice not to forgive and move on. She soon realized she had been playing the victim card all along, feeling sorry for herself. It was easier to play victim than it was to take responsibility for her own happiness and move on.
Too often we get caught up in the “poor me, look what happened to me” mantra, and we don’t pick ourselves up and forge ahead. We search for happiness outside ourselves, instead of looking inside ourselves to find peace and happiness.
Once we realize we are not victims, we can then find the lesson in the experience. It is often the darkest moments of our lives that cause us to grow the most, if we allow it.
I saw “Carol” recently and she looked years younger! She carried herself differently and even dressed differently. Her clothes were lighter in color, were flowing and had a carefree feel to them. She was so excited to tell me that she had been out on several dates and, in fact, she had found someone she loved spending time with. Nothing serious had materialized yet, but she had not ruled it out. She was finally experiencing the happiness she had been seeking for so many years!
If you are at a place in your life where you can’t move forward because you are looking in the rear view mirror of life, try tapping. Tap away the anger, the betrayal and the hurt and start a new chapter.
You can start today and the following script might be a great starting point.
For those who are familiar with tapping, I have written a
tapping script that you may find useful.
Remember to change the words to fit your personal situation so it resonates with you!
Remember to change the words to fit your personal situation so it resonates with you!
If
you are new to this blog and unfamiliar with the tapping process,
please see the "introduction to tapping" link at the top of this page or
listen to both audios at the top and right of this post. They will
provide you with everything you need to know!
Remember to change the words to fit your personal situation so it
resonates with you!
Start with the Karate chop point.
Karate chop point:
"Even though I can’t stop thinking about what could have been, I love and accept myself anyway”
"Even though I feel abandoned, I honor this feeling and everything it means to me”
"Even though I know I should move on, it’s easier said than done”
Round One:
EB: All this abandonment
SE: I feel left behind
UE: Standing all alone
UN: With no one to love me
CH: I keep thinking about what could have been
CB: How great our life could have been together
UA: I guess he didn’t feel the same
HD: Now here I am
WR: Left to deal with the loneliness
** Now take a deep breath or two and proceed to the second round of tapping**
Round Two:
EB: I know I need to move on
SE: I needed to do it a long time ago
UE: I was easier said than done
UN: The pity parties were kind of fun in their own way
CH: But now I look back and realize I’ve missed out on so much
CB: It’s time to move on
UA: I am ready
HD: I want to let go
WR: I am ready to wash that man right outta my hair!
** Now take a deep breath or two and proceed to the third round of tapping**
Round Three:
EB: I’m getting excited thinking about the possibilities
SE: Of being happy again
UE: Of sharing my life with someone who WANTS to be with me
UN: Of making new memories
CH: This might be easier than I ever imagined
CB: Why did I wait so long to forgive and move on
UA: So much time was wasted
HD: But no more!
WR: I am taking charge of my happiness starting today!
**Now take a deep breath or two and proceed to the fourth round of tapping**
"Even though I can’t stop thinking about what could have been, I love and accept myself anyway”
"Even though I feel abandoned, I honor this feeling and everything it means to me”
"Even though I know I should move on, it’s easier said than done”
Round One:
EB: All this abandonment
SE: I feel left behind
UE: Standing all alone
UN: With no one to love me
CH: I keep thinking about what could have been
CB: How great our life could have been together
UA: I guess he didn’t feel the same
HD: Now here I am
WR: Left to deal with the loneliness
** Now take a deep breath or two and proceed to the second round of tapping**
Round Two:
EB: I know I need to move on
SE: I needed to do it a long time ago
UE: I was easier said than done
UN: The pity parties were kind of fun in their own way
CH: But now I look back and realize I’ve missed out on so much
CB: It’s time to move on
UA: I am ready
HD: I want to let go
WR: I am ready to wash that man right outta my hair!
** Now take a deep breath or two and proceed to the third round of tapping**
Round Three:
EB: I’m getting excited thinking about the possibilities
SE: Of being happy again
UE: Of sharing my life with someone who WANTS to be with me
UN: Of making new memories
CH: This might be easier than I ever imagined
CB: Why did I wait so long to forgive and move on
UA: So much time was wasted
HD: But no more!
WR: I am taking charge of my happiness starting today!
**Now take a deep breath or two and proceed to the fourth round of tapping**
Round Four:
EB: It’s time to let it go
SE: Let it go
UE: Let it go
UN: It’s safe to let it go
CH: I’m safe
CB: All this hurt, all this sadness, all this betrayal, all this grief
UA: It’s safe to let it all go
HD: I’m ready to let it go
WR: I’m ready to start a new chapter in my life!
SE: Let it go
UE: Let it go
UN: It’s safe to let it go
CH: I’m safe
CB: All this hurt, all this sadness, all this betrayal, all this grief
UA: It’s safe to let it all go
HD: I’m ready to let it go
WR: I’m ready to start a new chapter in my life!
**Take a deep breath and say “PEACE”**
Showering you with blessings of a new chapter and many happy memories!
Cindy (Selvaggio) Shumaker
Here is a diagram and explanation of the tapping points.
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