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Showing posts with label anger. Show all posts
Showing posts with label anger. Show all posts
Let It Go: Learning to move on and forgive your kid
Our kids do things that drive us nuts and make us crazy. That is a reality of parenting.
They don’t listen to us when we try to guide them, they wait until the last minute to do their homework, they leave their rooms a mess, they get bad grades, they can just be plain rude, they complain, they don’t come home when we tell them a specific time, they are brutal to their siblings, they glue themselves to the TV or video games when we tell them to get ready for dinner and the list goes on.
They are simply being kids, and that is what they do. They will either apologize (or they won’t) or we will make them say “I’m Sorry.” The question is, how do we let it go? How do we forgive? And why is forgiveness so important?
Kids are like tornado's. They swirl in, do the damage and then suddenly things return to normal after the storm. That’s what they think. Kids are unaware of the damage the storm does in its wake, leaving the parent feeling drained and exhausted and often resentful and angry.
Forgiveness means letting go of anger and resentment; it also means to let go of feelings of revenge. Sometimes when our kids do things and we feel angry about it, we hold a grudge. Grudges are bad -- bad for the parent and equally bad for the kids.
Holding a grudge and consistently bringing it back to the parent-child relationship is damaging to the kids. Reminding kids over and over again about the “bad behaviors” they have engaged in is unnecessary and not an effective way to parent.
Have a talk, express your thoughts, attempt to understand their point of view, accept their apology and move on. Parents are the ultimate role models, and if a parent can’t let go, the child will learn to hold grudges, too, and will never feel they are forgiven and can move on.
Human beings are flawed. We make mistakes all of the time. This is an important and crucial aspect of life. That’s what makes us so interesting.
Grudges are unhealthy. Mayo Clinic reports that if you're unforgiving, you might:
According to Mayo Clinic, letting go of grudges and bitterness can make way for happiness, health and peace. Forgiveness can lead to:
Being aware of and insightful about our own behavior is crucial in forgiveness. Understanding that forgiveness is healthy and leads us to happy relationships is important.
The more we practice forgiveness, the easier it gets. Remember, practice makes perfect (or close to it).
Reflect on the facts of the situation, how you've reacted and how this combination has affected your life, health and well-being. Practice empathy, which is trying to understand emotionally what happened from the point of view of the person who wronged you.
“The Tiny Buddha, Simple Wisdom for Complex Lives” states the following: “How did I forgive when it was hard? I came to this realization: No one ever gets to the end of their life and thinks, ‘I wish I stayed angry longer.’ They generally say one of three things: ‘I’m sorry,’ ‘I forgive you’ or 'I love you.’ ”
Allyson Tomchin is a licensed psychotherapist and founder of Directive Energy, a counseling practice in Hollywood. She can be reached at 954-925-9071, atomchin@directiveenergy.com and directiveenergy.com. She is currently accepting new clients.
Original article can be found at:
http://www.sun-sentinel.com/features/south-florida-parenting/sfp-let-it-go-learning-to-move-on-and-forgive-your-kid-20150107-story.html
They don’t listen to us when we try to guide them, they wait until the last minute to do their homework, they leave their rooms a mess, they get bad grades, they can just be plain rude, they complain, they don’t come home when we tell them a specific time, they are brutal to their siblings, they glue themselves to the TV or video games when we tell them to get ready for dinner and the list goes on.
They are simply being kids, and that is what they do. They will either apologize (or they won’t) or we will make them say “I’m Sorry.” The question is, how do we let it go? How do we forgive? And why is forgiveness so important?
Kids are like tornado's. They swirl in, do the damage and then suddenly things return to normal after the storm. That’s what they think. Kids are unaware of the damage the storm does in its wake, leaving the parent feeling drained and exhausted and often resentful and angry.
Forgiveness means letting go of anger and resentment; it also means to let go of feelings of revenge. Sometimes when our kids do things and we feel angry about it, we hold a grudge. Grudges are bad -- bad for the parent and equally bad for the kids.
Holding a grudge and consistently bringing it back to the parent-child relationship is damaging to the kids. Reminding kids over and over again about the “bad behaviors” they have engaged in is unnecessary and not an effective way to parent.
Have a talk, express your thoughts, attempt to understand their point of view, accept their apology and move on. Parents are the ultimate role models, and if a parent can’t let go, the child will learn to hold grudges, too, and will never feel they are forgiven and can move on.
Human beings are flawed. We make mistakes all of the time. This is an important and crucial aspect of life. That’s what makes us so interesting.
Grudges are unhealthy. Mayo Clinic reports that if you're unforgiving, you might:
- Bring anger and bitterness into every relationship and new experience
- Become so wrapped up in the wrong that you can't enjoy the present
- Become depressed or anxious
- Feel that your life lacks meaning or purpose, or that you're at odds with your spiritual beliefs
- Lose valuable and enriching connectedness with others
According to Mayo Clinic, letting go of grudges and bitterness can make way for happiness, health and peace. Forgiveness can lead to:
- Healthier relationships
- Greater spiritual and psychological well-being
- Less anxiety, stress and hostility
- Lower blood pressure
- Fewer symptoms of depression
- Stronger immune system
- Improved heart health
- Higher self-esteem
Being aware of and insightful about our own behavior is crucial in forgiveness. Understanding that forgiveness is healthy and leads us to happy relationships is important.
The more we practice forgiveness, the easier it gets. Remember, practice makes perfect (or close to it).
Reflect on the facts of the situation, how you've reacted and how this combination has affected your life, health and well-being. Practice empathy, which is trying to understand emotionally what happened from the point of view of the person who wronged you.
“The Tiny Buddha, Simple Wisdom for Complex Lives” states the following: “How did I forgive when it was hard? I came to this realization: No one ever gets to the end of their life and thinks, ‘I wish I stayed angry longer.’ They generally say one of three things: ‘I’m sorry,’ ‘I forgive you’ or 'I love you.’ ”
Allyson Tomchin is a licensed psychotherapist and founder of Directive Energy, a counseling practice in Hollywood. She can be reached at 954-925-9071, atomchin@directiveenergy.com and directiveenergy.com. She is currently accepting new clients.
Original article can be found at:
http://www.sun-sentinel.com/features/south-florida-parenting/sfp-let-it-go-learning-to-move-on-and-forgive-your-kid-20150107-story.html
If your father did this, what would you do?
At the age of 34 Wayne Dyer drove to Biloxi, Mississippi to visit the grave of his father, an alcoholic and abusive man who had abandoned him, his mother and two brothers the day he was born.
Although he had died 10 years earlier, Wayne had only just found out about his death.
He drove to the grave that day with a level of anger so great, so deep from years of hurt built up, that he went there with two tasks in mind: To find out if it was even acknowledged on his death certificate that Wayne was his son, and to literally "pee" on the grave of the father that he held all this hatred, anger and resentment towards for 34 years.
What came out of that visit however, completely and forever changed his life. It is one of the most beautiful stories you'll ever hear. It shares a message of forgiveness and it's power to transform that I think is truly life-changing and worth your time to listen to.
He tells this story, and much more, in this exclusive interview with Nick Ortner, conducted for the upcoming 6th annual Tapping World Summit, which starts on February 24th:
http://thetappingsolution.com/cmd.php?Clk=5196945
If you had been in Wayne's shoes, would you have been able to forgive?
Who do you have in YOUR life that you need to forgive? How would it change your life to forgive and release any anger, resentment, hatred or other negative emotions that you carry, towards BOTH others as well as yourself? (Don't forget the forgiving yourself part!)
Most people today know Wayne Dyer for his best-selling books (having sold literally hundreds of millions of copies), his Public Broadcasting Station television specials, and his heart-warming and thought-provoking talks...
But do not know that up to that point in his life when he visited his father's grave, he was overweight, drinking heavily, and was as he describes himself, "Basically on an involuntary suicide mission."
But he was able to radically transform, through the power of forgiveness, and in this video, as well as the upcoming 6th annual Tapping World Summit, you'll learn how to do the same, to radically improve the quality of your own life.
I hope you take a few minutes to watch this video, and I highly recommend attending the 10 day Tapping World Summit, which begins on February 24th. This event has had over a million people attend it over the last 5 years. It is a huge, life-changing, no-cost event.
http://thetappingsolution.com/cmd.php?Clk=5196945
I'll see you there!
Cindy Selvaggio Shumaker
P.S. - One of my favorite parts of the videos is Wayne's "plane story" where he came out of the bathroom on a plane covered in sweat from head to toe. It's hilarious and will having you laughing out loud. It's at about 20 minutes. Make sure to check it out:
http://thetappingsolution.com/cmd.php?Clk=5196945
Although he had died 10 years earlier, Wayne had only just found out about his death.
He drove to the grave that day with a level of anger so great, so deep from years of hurt built up, that he went there with two tasks in mind: To find out if it was even acknowledged on his death certificate that Wayne was his son, and to literally "pee" on the grave of the father that he held all this hatred, anger and resentment towards for 34 years.
What came out of that visit however, completely and forever changed his life. It is one of the most beautiful stories you'll ever hear. It shares a message of forgiveness and it's power to transform that I think is truly life-changing and worth your time to listen to.
He tells this story, and much more, in this exclusive interview with Nick Ortner, conducted for the upcoming 6th annual Tapping World Summit, which starts on February 24th:
http://thetappingsolution.com/cmd.php?Clk=5196945
If you had been in Wayne's shoes, would you have been able to forgive?
Who do you have in YOUR life that you need to forgive? How would it change your life to forgive and release any anger, resentment, hatred or other negative emotions that you carry, towards BOTH others as well as yourself? (Don't forget the forgiving yourself part!)
Most people today know Wayne Dyer for his best-selling books (having sold literally hundreds of millions of copies), his Public Broadcasting Station television specials, and his heart-warming and thought-provoking talks...
But do not know that up to that point in his life when he visited his father's grave, he was overweight, drinking heavily, and was as he describes himself, "Basically on an involuntary suicide mission."
But he was able to radically transform, through the power of forgiveness, and in this video, as well as the upcoming 6th annual Tapping World Summit, you'll learn how to do the same, to radically improve the quality of your own life.
I hope you take a few minutes to watch this video, and I highly recommend attending the 10 day Tapping World Summit, which begins on February 24th. This event has had over a million people attend it over the last 5 years. It is a huge, life-changing, no-cost event.
http://thetappingsolution.com/cmd.php?Clk=5196945
I'll see you there!
Cindy Selvaggio Shumaker
P.S. - One of my favorite parts of the videos is Wayne's "plane story" where he came out of the bathroom on a plane covered in sweat from head to toe. It's hilarious and will having you laughing out loud. It's at about 20 minutes. Make sure to check it out:
http://thetappingsolution.com/cmd.php?Clk=5196945
I’m Gonna Wash That Man Right Outta My Hair….
I was pulled into a conversation recently by a woman talking
about a man that used to be in her life. She had been struggling with the fact
that she couldn’t let go of “what was” or what could have been.
As I engaged her in conversation, she informed me that this
unfortunate parting happened 20 years ago! She had been emotionally carrying
this man around for two decades. Her life had literally been hijacked and she
had become a prisoner of her own mind.
Not surprisingly, she had not allowed anyone to get close to
her over the years. She even dressed the part, all covered up like she was
hiding from the world, protecting her heart from being broken again. She wore a turtleneck and a scarf covered by
a coat that was buttoned from the top to bottom. She looked stiff and
imprisoned.
I expressed my sympathies and asked her if she would be open to letting go of her heavy burden. She nodded yes, but I could see the skepticism in her eyes. After all, she had been lugging around this heavy heart for twenty years, what could I offer that would help her?
I expressed my sympathies and asked her if she would be open to letting go of her heavy burden. She nodded yes, but I could see the skepticism in her eyes. After all, she had been lugging around this heavy heart for twenty years, what could I offer that would help her?
I asked her if she knew about meridian tapping or EFT as it
is commonly called and she shook her head no. I briefly explained the concept
and said that I was willing to work with her right at that moment if she was
willing. She definitely was!
She began to explain the events surrounding the break up,
her eyes filled with tears. She was definitely a “10+” on the emotional scale.
She had been this emotionally charged for twenty years.
She sobbed as she told me the story and I physically tapped
on her acupressure points, allowing her to talk and cry. After a few rounds, I
stopped her and asked her to take a deep breath. She seemed a little calmer as she wiped her
tears away.
She continued her story as I tapped. She explained that he
had moved on, married, started a family and still she couldn’t let go of what
could have been. The tears started flowing harder as she imagined him happy
with his new life, his new family. She couldn’t understand how he could be so
happy without her.
After a few more rounds, she breathed deeply and yawned and
started to settle down once again.
Her sadness then turned to anger as she realized all the
lost years she had spent thinking about “what could have been”.
All the lost
relationships, all the happy memories she could have created had she not
tortured herself by living in the past. She had put her life on hold for twenty
years as she gazed into the rear view mirror of her life.
We tapped her anger from a 10 to a 1 when she realized that she was angry at herself, not the man that left her 20 years ago. She had made the choice not to forgive and move on. She soon realized she had been playing the victim card all along, feeling sorry for herself. It was easier to play victim than it was to take responsibility for her own happiness and move on.
Too often we get caught up in the “poor me, look what happened to me” mantra, and we don’t pick ourselves up and forge ahead. We search for happiness outside ourselves, instead of looking inside ourselves to find peace and happiness.
Once we realize we are not victims, we can then find the lesson in the experience. It is often the darkest moments of our lives that cause us to grow the most, if we allow it.
I saw “Carol” recently and she looked years younger! She carried herself differently and even dressed differently. Her clothes were lighter in color, were flowing and had a carefree feel to them. She was so excited to tell me that she had been out on several dates and, in fact, she had found someone she loved spending time with. Nothing serious had materialized yet, but she had not ruled it out. She was finally experiencing the happiness she had been seeking for so many years!
If you are at a place in your life where you can’t move forward because you are looking in the rear view mirror of life, try tapping. Tap away the anger, the betrayal and the hurt and start a new chapter.
We tapped her anger from a 10 to a 1 when she realized that she was angry at herself, not the man that left her 20 years ago. She had made the choice not to forgive and move on. She soon realized she had been playing the victim card all along, feeling sorry for herself. It was easier to play victim than it was to take responsibility for her own happiness and move on.
Too often we get caught up in the “poor me, look what happened to me” mantra, and we don’t pick ourselves up and forge ahead. We search for happiness outside ourselves, instead of looking inside ourselves to find peace and happiness.
Once we realize we are not victims, we can then find the lesson in the experience. It is often the darkest moments of our lives that cause us to grow the most, if we allow it.
I saw “Carol” recently and she looked years younger! She carried herself differently and even dressed differently. Her clothes were lighter in color, were flowing and had a carefree feel to them. She was so excited to tell me that she had been out on several dates and, in fact, she had found someone she loved spending time with. Nothing serious had materialized yet, but she had not ruled it out. She was finally experiencing the happiness she had been seeking for so many years!
If you are at a place in your life where you can’t move forward because you are looking in the rear view mirror of life, try tapping. Tap away the anger, the betrayal and the hurt and start a new chapter.
You can start today and the following script might be a great starting point.
For those who are familiar with tapping, I have written a
tapping script that you may find useful.
Remember to change the words to fit your personal situation so it resonates with you!
Remember to change the words to fit your personal situation so it resonates with you!
If
you are new to this blog and unfamiliar with the tapping process,
please see the "introduction to tapping" link at the top of this page or
listen to both audios at the top and right of this post. They will
provide you with everything you need to know!
Remember to change the words to fit your personal situation so it
resonates with you!
Start with the Karate chop point.
Karate chop point:
"Even though I can’t stop thinking about what could have been, I love and accept myself anyway”
"Even though I feel abandoned, I honor this feeling and everything it means to me”
"Even though I know I should move on, it’s easier said than done”
Round One:
EB: All this abandonment
SE: I feel left behind
UE: Standing all alone
UN: With no one to love me
CH: I keep thinking about what could have been
CB: How great our life could have been together
UA: I guess he didn’t feel the same
HD: Now here I am
WR: Left to deal with the loneliness
** Now take a deep breath or two and proceed to the second round of tapping**
Round Two:
EB: I know I need to move on
SE: I needed to do it a long time ago
UE: I was easier said than done
UN: The pity parties were kind of fun in their own way
CH: But now I look back and realize I’ve missed out on so much
CB: It’s time to move on
UA: I am ready
HD: I want to let go
WR: I am ready to wash that man right outta my hair!
** Now take a deep breath or two and proceed to the third round of tapping**
Round Three:
EB: I’m getting excited thinking about the possibilities
SE: Of being happy again
UE: Of sharing my life with someone who WANTS to be with me
UN: Of making new memories
CH: This might be easier than I ever imagined
CB: Why did I wait so long to forgive and move on
UA: So much time was wasted
HD: But no more!
WR: I am taking charge of my happiness starting today!
**Now take a deep breath or two and proceed to the fourth round of tapping**
"Even though I can’t stop thinking about what could have been, I love and accept myself anyway”
"Even though I feel abandoned, I honor this feeling and everything it means to me”
"Even though I know I should move on, it’s easier said than done”
Round One:
EB: All this abandonment
SE: I feel left behind
UE: Standing all alone
UN: With no one to love me
CH: I keep thinking about what could have been
CB: How great our life could have been together
UA: I guess he didn’t feel the same
HD: Now here I am
WR: Left to deal with the loneliness
** Now take a deep breath or two and proceed to the second round of tapping**
Round Two:
EB: I know I need to move on
SE: I needed to do it a long time ago
UE: I was easier said than done
UN: The pity parties were kind of fun in their own way
CH: But now I look back and realize I’ve missed out on so much
CB: It’s time to move on
UA: I am ready
HD: I want to let go
WR: I am ready to wash that man right outta my hair!
** Now take a deep breath or two and proceed to the third round of tapping**
Round Three:
EB: I’m getting excited thinking about the possibilities
SE: Of being happy again
UE: Of sharing my life with someone who WANTS to be with me
UN: Of making new memories
CH: This might be easier than I ever imagined
CB: Why did I wait so long to forgive and move on
UA: So much time was wasted
HD: But no more!
WR: I am taking charge of my happiness starting today!
**Now take a deep breath or two and proceed to the fourth round of tapping**
Round Four:
EB: It’s time to let it go
SE: Let it go
UE: Let it go
UN: It’s safe to let it go
CH: I’m safe
CB: All this hurt, all this sadness, all this betrayal, all this grief
UA: It’s safe to let it all go
HD: I’m ready to let it go
WR: I’m ready to start a new chapter in my life!
SE: Let it go
UE: Let it go
UN: It’s safe to let it go
CH: I’m safe
CB: All this hurt, all this sadness, all this betrayal, all this grief
UA: It’s safe to let it all go
HD: I’m ready to let it go
WR: I’m ready to start a new chapter in my life!
**Take a deep breath and say “PEACE”**
Showering you with blessings of a new chapter and many happy memories!
Cindy (Selvaggio) Shumaker
Here is a diagram and explanation of the tapping points.
Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself!
I am often asked about the act of forgiving; just how does one forgive and move on?
I strongly agree with the article in my previous post. Inadequate skills are taught on how to forgive.
The ability to forgive needs to come from the heart and when your heart hurts, it makes it very difficult to take that first step!
I have created a tapping script to help those that need to take that first baby step.
Please fill in the blanks with the name or names of those that have taken control of your life by holding you hostage via your thoughts and memories.
As you are tapping, make sure you have a paper and pencil handy to write down any other thoughts or feelings that come up.
You may need to tap on those memories that surface, and get specific about the event/s that still haunt you.
Releasing those thoughts can be freeing, giving you a whole new lease on life
Give it a try, it can't hurt!
If you are new to this blog and unfamiliar with the tapping process, please see the "introduction to tapping" link at the top of this page. It will provide you with everything you need to know!
Karate chop point:
"Even though I am still so hurt and angry, I love and accept myself anyway”
"Even though I can’t let go, I accept these feelings and everything they mean to me ”
"Even though I don’t think I can ever move beyond this, I am a good person anyway”
Round One:
EB: All this anger
SE: All this hurt
UE: I keep replaying that horrible event – over and over
UN: Like a bad movie that never ends
CH: Sometimes my hurt and anger turns to tears
CB: All this tightness in my body
UA: I hate being a prisoner of my thoughts
HD: I don’t like feeling this way
WR: I just don’t know how to let go!
** Now take a deep breath or two and proceed to the second round of tapping**
Round Two:
EB: I’m afraid if I forgive, I am letting _____ “off the hook”
SE: I know all of these feelings are not good for my body
UE: I might consider turning this around
UN: I need to do this for ME, not for ____
CH: I am the one paying the price, not ____
CB: Enough is enough; I am turning this around today!
UA: I refuse to let _____ have control over me and my body
HD: I am ready to let go
WR: Let’s get started!
** Now take a deep breath or two and proceed to the third round of tapping**
Round Three:
EB: I will start by forgiving myself and anyone else that may have contributed to this situation
SE: I can’t change the past, I have to move forward
UE: I am grateful for my new attitude
UN: My body is starting to feel lighter
CH: It feels good thinking about regaining control of my life
CB: I choose to be free of this hurt
UA: I choose to let go for good
HD: The gray cloud is lifting
WR: The sun is starting to shine in my heart once again!
Take a deep breath and repeat as often as necessary until the emotional charge has been eliminated
Tapping Tip:
If you need to free any emotions that hold resentment, tap on the inside of the index finger where the nail bed meets the finger.
Tapping on this meridian helps release feelings of guilt, past hurts and for those that are having a hard time of letting go.
Focus on the thought that is haunting you, tap the index finger and feel the negative emotions melt away.
I strongly agree with the article in my previous post. Inadequate skills are taught on how to forgive.
The ability to forgive needs to come from the heart and when your heart hurts, it makes it very difficult to take that first step!
I have created a tapping script to help those that need to take that first baby step.
Please fill in the blanks with the name or names of those that have taken control of your life by holding you hostage via your thoughts and memories.
As you are tapping, make sure you have a paper and pencil handy to write down any other thoughts or feelings that come up.
You may need to tap on those memories that surface, and get specific about the event/s that still haunt you.
Releasing those thoughts can be freeing, giving you a whole new lease on life
Give it a try, it can't hurt!
If you are new to this blog and unfamiliar with the tapping process, please see the "introduction to tapping" link at the top of this page. It will provide you with everything you need to know!
Karate chop point:
"Even though I am still so hurt and angry, I love and accept myself anyway”
"Even though I can’t let go, I accept these feelings and everything they mean to me ”
"Even though I don’t think I can ever move beyond this, I am a good person anyway”
Round One:
EB: All this anger
SE: All this hurt
UE: I keep replaying that horrible event – over and over
UN: Like a bad movie that never ends
CH: Sometimes my hurt and anger turns to tears
CB: All this tightness in my body
UA: I hate being a prisoner of my thoughts
HD: I don’t like feeling this way
WR: I just don’t know how to let go!
** Now take a deep breath or two and proceed to the second round of tapping**
Round Two:
EB: I’m afraid if I forgive, I am letting _____ “off the hook”
SE: I know all of these feelings are not good for my body
UE: I might consider turning this around
UN: I need to do this for ME, not for ____
CH: I am the one paying the price, not ____
CB: Enough is enough; I am turning this around today!
UA: I refuse to let _____ have control over me and my body
HD: I am ready to let go
WR: Let’s get started!
** Now take a deep breath or two and proceed to the third round of tapping**
Round Three:
EB: I will start by forgiving myself and anyone else that may have contributed to this situation
SE: I can’t change the past, I have to move forward
UE: I am grateful for my new attitude
UN: My body is starting to feel lighter
CH: It feels good thinking about regaining control of my life
CB: I choose to be free of this hurt
UA: I choose to let go for good
HD: The gray cloud is lifting
WR: The sun is starting to shine in my heart once again!
Take a deep breath and repeat as often as necessary until the emotional charge has been eliminated
Tapping Tip:
If you need to free any emotions that hold resentment, tap on the inside of the index finger where the nail bed meets the finger.
Tapping on this meridian helps release feelings of guilt, past hurts and for those that are having a hard time of letting go.
Focus on the thought that is haunting you, tap the index finger and feel the negative emotions melt away.
Lack of Forgiveness Can Affect Our Health
I read the following article by Sheryl Walters several years ago and it was an "ah ha" moment for me. I have referred back to it many times for guidance that has consistently kept my emotions in check.
I always thought that forgiving someone meant "letting them off the hook".
What I learned was that forgiveness was not about the person who hurt me, it was about ME! It was about giving myself a gift - yes....a gift!
That priceless gift was one of better health, both physically and emotionally.
Everyone knows that being angry feels terrible. When we feel angry at someone, we get a tight feeling in our chest and body, and our minds aren't free. Feeling angry at someone who cuts you off when you are driving is bad enough. Long term, chronic anger can ruin peoples' lives. Feeling angry for something that happened in childhood can literally make people prisoners of their own emotions.
Dr. Luskin of Stanford University is studying how forgiveness can help people become healthy. The 150 volunteers who have taken part in the Stanford Forgiveness Project say that letting go of the hurt caused by other people or by forces they see as being outside themselves, is not just one of the greatest emotional releases; they feel better physically, as well.
"Getting angry and needing to forgive are universal phenomena, but the skills to forgive are inadequately taught."
Holding on to anger for too long can obviously affect a person's emotional health. But hanging on to that anger, Dr. Luskin says, can also seriously affect people's physical health.
How is the Body Affected?
Lack of forgiveness, which often occurs as a result of having been hurt, humiliated, angered, or having suffered fear or loss, feelings of guilt, or envy, can have profound effects on the way your body functions.
Physically the body is in a state of stress. Muscles tighten, causing imbalances or pain in the neck, back and limbs. Blood flow to the joints is restricted, making it more difficult for the blood to remove wastes from the tissues and reducing the supply of oxygen and nutrients to the cells. Normal processes of repair and recovery from injury or arthritis are impaired. Clenching of the jaws contributes to problems with teeth and jaw joints. Headaches can become a problem. Chronic pain may get worse.
Blood flow to the heart is constricted. Digestion is impaired. Breathing may become more difficult. Anger can seriously impair the immune system, increasing the risk of infections and illness.
Luskin cites several studies that show how anger can affect the cardiovascular system by adding to a person's general level of stress. Other studies have indicated that patients who have had heart attacks have been able to improve their physical health by practicing forgiveness and working to feel more tolerant and less angry.
Additionally, Dr. Luskin says, when the body releases certain enzymes during anger and stress, cholesterol and blood pressure levels go up, not a good long-term position to put the body in. Forgiveness has been shown to lower blood pressure naturally. The bottom line, we can eat healthy and take care of ourselves on a physical level, but if our hearts are filled with anger, our bodies are not in optimum health.
This article can be found at:
http://www.naturalnews.com/023304_forgiveness_body_health.html
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