Let's Make A Magical Connection

Have you ever had a conversation with someone that left you feeling hollow, empty and emotionally disconnected?

I have and it felt very one sided. Soon into the conversation I could tell this person had other things on their mind and that they were totally uninterested because they were bored, preoccupied  or plainly didn't care.

I was listening to a TED talk recently and the speaker was addressing how to magically connect with people. Although I had never given it much thought before, it made me think of how I felt when I didn't feel listened to.

When we engage in conversation with friends, family or random strangers, we have to get ourselves out of the way in order to connect with them on an emotional and/or spiritual level, a level that makes them walk away from the conversation feeling good about themselves and their interaction with us.


How do we get ourselves out of the way?
What does that mean?

It means to put down our phones, stop watching the TV, make eye to eye contact and connect. You may not know what to say or how to respond, but more than likely, the person talking  just wants to be heard, to be validated. 

Many times they aren't looking to you for solutions or answers, they just want to be heard.
When you actively listen, they feel like you care, like what they are saying matters.

So put your agenda, your worries or anything else that is distracting you aside and focus on the person in front of you.

If you are someone who struggles with awkward conversations or don't  feel like a good communicator, we've all been there at some point in our lives and it's ok.

It's time to rewire your brain and to transform your interactions to better connect with humanity! 

The best way to rewire or reprogram your thinking is with tapping and I have written a script to help you

 If you have never tapped before, I suggest you learn the basics first. Familiarize yourself with the tapping points and how to tap here.
There are oodles of videos on You Tube as well.

 Tap on the Karate Chop point and say:

Even though I struggle with emotional connections, I love who I am anyway
Even though I seem to get caught up in my own thoughts and have a difficult time focusing on others, I am open to the possibility that I can change that
Even though I feel awkward in certain conversations, I know this is normal, but I am willing to approach these situations differently in the future.

EB: I sometimes struggle connecting with others
SE: I get anxious about how I'm going to respond
UE: What if I can't find the words?
UN:  I've done that before
CH: I didn't mean to, I just froze
CB: I'm just not good at personal connections
UA: I have so many things running through my mind
HD: That I lose focus
WR: All these awkward conversations

Take a deep breath and continue

EB: I want to be a better communicator
SE: I want to connect with people, especially my friends and family
UE: Maybe I can learn how to focus on them
UN: And less on my own thoughts
CH: After all, the conversation is about them
CB: Not about me
UA: They are important, everyone is important
HD: Everyone has a story, good or bad
WR: And I need to listen

EB: Maybe I can learn something by listening to others
SE: Maybe if I relax and just be myself
UE: I can enjoy conversations 
UN: And both of us will feel better
CH: I might learn something new or different about them
CB: They may feel like they matter
UA: I will gain their trust
HD: It will be a win win for both of us
WR: This may be easier than I thought

Take a deep breath and continue

EB: I choose to give my full attention to everyone I talk to today
SE: I will look in their eyes and listen
UE: I will put my self in their shoes
UN: And connect with them emotionally and energetically
CH: I will respond in a way that makes them feel heard 
CB: I will make this about them
UA: And not about me
HD: If they want my opinion, they will ask 
WR: I will respond in a caring and loving tone

Take a deep breath and continue

EB:I forgive myself and anyone else that may have contributed to my inability to listen and fully connect
SE: I am choosing to turn this around
UE: I love that there is a way to change the way I connect 
UN: Right now I am listening to my own thoughts
CH: And connecting with myself on a level I never have before
CB: This will make me a better listener
UA: A better communicator
HD: This tapping thing might just work
WR: I am feeling confident

Showering you with blessings of close personal connections and meaningful conversations,

Letting Go of Negative Self Talk

photo: pixabay
Letting go of negative self talk is a topic I am all to familiar with and every now and then I run across an article that inspires me to write a tapping script to help neutralize those thoughts.

As described in "Overcoming Negative Self Talk with a Writing Exercise", self talk is automatic, subtle, comes in forms of short words or images, produces anxiousness and can incite a panic attack. 
It is a bad habit that needs to be reprogrammed.  

The author Aimee White suggested a writing exercise to figure out negative self talk. I loved her idea, but I took that one step further and used those journal notes to tap on my negative thoughts and feelings until they no longer bothered me.

So....what did that look like and where did I start? 
I have been tapping since 2008, so I was well versed in the process of how to tap and how to use my thoughts in the process of self soothing.

If you have never tapped before, I suggest you learn the basics first. Familiarize yourself with the tapping points and how to tap here. There are oodles of videos on You Tube as well.

The following script is very basic as it deals with the act of negative self talk, nothing specific to you and your situation. 
Before you start tapping, I want you to write down in bullet points all the thoughts that are going through your head right now, the ones you can't get rid of. Where do you feel it in your body? Is your heart pounding, does your head hurt, your back ache? Describe what you are feeling - if it's pain, is it a sharp pain, ache, stabbing? Be as descriptive as you can. 
Now give this situation a number. Rate it from 1-10 with 10 being the worst feelings, thoughts or pain. 

After you tap on the words outlined below, I want you to rate it again. Has the number come down? Have the feelings changed? Has the pain moved or changed? Everyone is different and will get different results. There is no right or wrong here, so jot down everything that you are feeling. 

Once you have done that, I want you to take a deep breath and start tapping on the Karate Chop point and say:

"Even though I am overwhelmed with all of these thoughts swirling around in my head, I love and respect myself anyway"

"Even though I am driving myself crazy with all of these imaginary scenarios, I honor this part of me anyway"

"Even though I know I shouldn't do this to myself but I don't know how to stop, I love that I am taking the necessary steps to turn this around." 

EB: All these thoughts
SE: Rushing through my head
UE: Causing me to worry
UN: All of these "What if's"
CH: That's all I can think about
CB: It is consuming me
UA: I just keep hitting the "replay" button in my mind
HD: I can't seem to move forward
WR: What's wrong with me?

Take a deep breath and continue

EB: I don't understand why I do this to myself
SE: I know it doesn't do any good
UE: It doesn't solve any problems
UN: It just keeps me stuck
CH: In a place I really don't want to be
CB: So why can't I move on
UA: Why do I torture myself
HD: It feels like self abuse
WR: I wouldn't do this to anyone else, so why do I do it to myself?

Take a deep breath and continue 

EB: I really do want to find a way to turn this around
SE: Maybe it is easier than I thought
UE: Maybe this silly tapping thing actually works
UN: I'm willing to give it a try if it will help calm me down
CH: I will take a deep breath
CB: And close my eyes
UA: I will tap on my negative thoughts 
HD: Each and every one of them
WR: Until they melt away

Take a deep breath and continue  

EB: I forgive myself and anyone else that may have contributed to all these negative thoughts
SE: It is safe to let them go
UE: They serve no purpose
UN: Other than keeping me from moving forward 
CH: This too shall pass
CB: And I will realize that things aren't as bad as I imagined
UA: I am being my own worst enemy
HD: And now it is safe to let it all go
WR: I am so grateful I am finally turning this around

Take a deep breath and continue

EB: I can feel my body relaxing 
SE: I can feel the worry and anxiety start to melt away
UE: I am becoming more calm
UN: The mental stress is fading
CH: The gray cloud is lifting
CB: The sunshine is starting to peek through 
UA: I am starting to feel a lot lighter
HD: This IS easier than I thought
WR: I can really feel a mental shift taking place

Take a deep breath and continue 
EB: It's safe to let this go
SE: All the stress, fear, worry and hopelessness 
UE: It's safe to let them all go
UN: I'm safe
CH: I am more relaxed
CB: I am calmer
UA: I am so happy I learned how to take control of my thoughts and emotions
HD: I am very grateful
WR: Peace

Take a final deep breath and rate your feelings and emotions like you did before you started. What has changed? What is your new number? 

To continue your progress, you will want to tap on the specifics of your situation, your thoughts, your aches and pains. Just talk and tap. 
This is a very forgiving but effective process. Be persistent and consistent for effective results.

 Leave me a comment below and let me know how this worked for you.

Showering you with blessings of peaceful thoughts and calmer tomorrow's! 

From Overwhelm To Calm

When was the last time you felt overwhelmed? 

For some people, it happens on a daily basis. Whether it's your job, family, friends or maybe all of them, overwhelm can leave you feeling breathless.

I knew that feeling all too well when I started a new position at work several years ago. I was overwhelmed with new responsibilities, feelings of isolation and helplessness. I wanted to curl up in a fetal position and cry!

If it wasn't for tapping, I don't think I would have made it. I excused myself to the bathroom and tapped away my anxieties more times than I could count!

Nick Ortner from the Tapping Solution has shared a tapping mediation that I wish had been available to me when I was feeling overwhelmed many years ago.

"From Overwhelm to Calm" is a 12 minute audio that is sure to calm you and leave you feeling more peaceful and definitely less stressed!

You can find the audio here: http://www.thetappingsolution.com/blog/tapping-meditation-overwhelm-calm/

Happy Tapping!

Should You Forgive Someone Who Harmed You?

Time after time, I hear people say, "I just refuse to forgive them!" 
Yet, I know what holding onto that anger at a cellular level does to the body. The one holding on is the one who suffers the most. 
Anger eats away at the body, at the energy system, at the organs - it is an emotional cancer that will literally eat away at your body.
 In fact, Louise Hay has said in her book "Heal Your Body" that cancer usually develops from deep hurt and long standing resentment.

Every situation is different and the levels of hurt, betrayal, fear, etc varies with each individual. You must find what is comfortable for you and your unique situation.

This article by Sara Staggs from Psych Central is a short but good one. Make sure you read the comments and Sara's answer as she explains more. 

Should You Forgive Someone Who Harmed You? | After Trauma

I Don't Understand Why

photo: pixabay
Sometimes it feels like the weight of the world is on our shoulders, like we could crumble under the pressure of it all. 
Those are the times that our head spins, we feel like we can't breathe and all we can think about is how bad things are. 

Until we step back, take a deep breath and try to make sense of impossible situations, nothing will improve. 

But, even doing that seems like a daunting task when your world feels gray and murky. When you are in that fight or flight situation, your body sends blood to your muscles for survival. Your brain doesn't function as well as it should to get you through emotional situations.

The tapping script below will force you to take 5 minutes to focus on your breathing, on your thoughts and help you to quiet your mind for a few minutes. You will be surprised how much better you feel after a few rounds of tapping. 

Change the words to make it fit for your situation so it feels right for you. Repeat as often as necessary to keep you grounded and in control.

Leave a comment below to let me know how your mood/feelings changed.

 If you are new to tapping please visit the "Introduction to Tapping" tab at the top of this page for a diagram and a short 4 minute "how to" video by Jessica Ortner. 

Start with the "KC" or karate chop point as shown on the diagram

Even though I don't know why I am going through this, I deeply and completely love and accept myself

Even though I feel like my world is crumbling around me, I accept these feelings and everything they mean to me

Even though I can feel all of this uncertainty in my body, I am aware of these feelings and all the messages my body is sending me

EB:  I don't understand why

SE:  I don't deserve this
UE:  All this anxiety
UN: All of the unknown

CH: I can feel it in my stomach (change this to where you feel it in your body)
CB: It feels like someone punched me
UA: I can hardly breathe at times
HD: I need to catch my breath
WR: But it feels like the world is caving in on me

TAKE A DEEP BREATH and continue to the next round

EB: I feel all alone
SE: Like I am the only one with problems
UE: But deep down, I know I'm not
UN: There is always someone else who has it worse
CH: But right now, I am falling apart
CB: I feel it everywhere
UA: I want it to stop
HD: I want to stop worrying
WR: I want to let this all go

TAKE A DEEP BREATH and continue to the next round

EB: I don't know how much longer I can go on like this
SE: Something has to change
UE: Either the circumstances
UN: Or me
CH: Which would be easier?
CB: Which makes more sense?
UA: I am open to the possibility that I may not have control of the situation
HD: I only may have control of me, my thoughts, my reaction
WR: I wonder if it could be that simple

 TAKE A DEEP BREATH and continue to the next round

EB: It doesn't seem that simple
SE: But I am willing to forgive myself or anyone else that contributed to these feelings of despair
UE: No good can come from me continuing to live in this state of turmoil
UN: It is taking a toll on my mind and body
CH: I have to find a way of letting this go
CB: Either physically or emotionally
UA: I am open to possibilities
HD: Ones that I have never considered before
WR: I am willing to relax and open myself to new ways of looking at this

TAKE A DEEP BREATH and continue to the next round

EB: All this pain, all this turmoil, all this mental toxicity
SE: I am willing to let it go
UE: It is safe now
UN: I am safe now
CH: It's safe to let it go
CB: I am turning this around
UA: The heavy gray cloud over my life is starting to lift
HD: A ray of happiness is peaking through
WR: I am proud of myself for taking these steps to turn my life around!


Showering you with blessings of positive thoughts and hope!

Scanning The World For Negative Comes With A Great Cost

The Leader Or The Follower - Which Is Better?

photo: pixabay.com
I always viewed a leader as someone with strength and courage, someone who wasn't afraid to stand up for what they believed, someone who took the bull by the horn and made the changes they wanted to see. I admired leaders for their conviction to brave any storm that came their way.

I have two daughters. My oldest has always been a leader. She waits for no one. She forges ahead, she makes changes and she leads by example. She has been that way since she was young enough to make her own decisions.

My youngest was a follower. It was easier. Her older sister always told her what to do and how to do it. Their interaction created balance as sisters. It was easier for her to go with the flow. Less chaos and friction. As her mother, I was concerned she would not know how to think for herself as she matured, how to stand up for what she wanted and I was afraid she would eventually become a doormat.

Now with age and wisdom under my belt, I understand life always balances itself.  The yin and yang of leaders and followers is no different. It takes both to make the world mesh, to flow, to create changes.

If everyone was a leader, we would have different ideas being spewed in different directions. Although that isn't a bad thing, too many ideas and too many people wanting to take the reins causes chaos, frustration and slows down the process.

The world NEEDS followers, to assist the leader! They put into motion the activity that it takes to make changes happen. As one person jumps on the band wagon, they encourage others to do the same. No one wants to be left behind, so they too jump on the wagon. Before you know it, a movement takes place!

Simple ideas that create change on a local level, soon spark and ignite the desire in others to change their world. Pretty soon, those simple ideas are rippling to other groups, other cities, other states, other countries......

 Through leadership, the follower learns and creates ideas of their own. Ideas that they may have never thought about had they not experienced a pivotal shift in their perspective of the world.

I have let go of the idea that my daughters need to be leaders. They have their own paths to walk in life and as they have braved storms on those paths, they have figured out what their roles were and what it takes to stay balanced and whole. 

Whether they have taken the bull by the horn or jumped on the band wagon, they have developed the strength and courage it takes to make the necessary changes on their  journey. 

I admire them for their conviction!

How To Let Go Of Sentimental Clutter

photo: pixabay.com

I think Knowing what to do with items that have sentimental value because of the connection to someone close to you can be quite a challenge. Julie Holland, M.D., an assistant clinical professor of psychiatry at New York University School of Medicine, assures that the urge to hold on to meaningful possessions is normal. “Sentimental clutter is the adult equivalent of a teddy bear,” she says. Organizing consultant Ellen Madere, says it’s about working with the emotional aspects of the process, not against them. Here are her steps for conquering the challenge.

Step 1: Box It Up
Do not let fate (or a leaky basement) determine what you save and what you don’t. Even if you’re not ready to purge, “put things in ‘question boxes,’ label them, and stash them somewhere safe and dry,” says Madere. If you happen upon obvious junk, toss it and pat yourself on the back.

Step 2: Enlist Help, If You Need It
Just make sure it is the right kind of help. Do you need someone warm and fuzzy because the work would be unbearable alone? Or do you want a tech-savvy whip-cracker who can post images of your sellables on eBay while getting your nose out of that old diary? “Sometimes it’s just company-it’s nice to have another body in the room to bounce ideas off of,” says Madere.

Step 3: Work in Short Intervals
Going through emotionally loaded items can make you feel depleted, so limit work sessions to three or four hours. If you’re convinced that you can turn your home into a clutter-free paradise in one 12-hour blitz, this rule will be tough to follow. But a fresh, rested mind will help you make smart decisions and avoid Purger’s Regret. When you’re stuck about whether to keep or divest, ask yourself: What’s significant about this object? Does it have genuine, lasting emotional value? Do I like it enough to display it, or will it be in a box forever? Would it be more valuable to someone else?

Step 4: Take a Picture (It Lasts Longer)
Admittedly, a digital image is not the thing itself. There’s no tactile joy to it. But storing something on a computer doesn’t just save space; it also minimizes risk from a preservationist standpoint. “Even with archival paper and plastic sleeves, physical objects can fade or get lost,” says Madere. You can ship off old snapshots and have them converted to digital form by services like gophoto.com. You might also want to photograph meaningful items before letting them go. And if you’re clearing a whole house after, for example, the loss of a loved one, Madere suggests taking pictures of the rooms first, or asking a friend to, if the task is too emotional. “You can make lovely books at blurb.com to preserve the memories in a form you can hold,” says Madere.

Which brings us nicely to every parent’s bugaboo: children’s artwork. The art writer Casey Ellis (brilliantly) suggested that I tell my kids I was creating a catalogue raisonnĂ© of their work. This is a fancy term for a complete list of an artist’s output. It sounds impressive, and it means that the original pieces, after being scanned or photographed, can be farmed out to collectors (a.k.a. Grandma) or recycled. Their memories live on in my Flickr pages, to be admired at the kids’ leisure. (So far, that means never.)

Step 5: Save the Best-Toss the Rest
Meaning, keep one to represent many. Madere points out that there are some things that we’re inclined to hang on to in bulk, when a sample might be more powerful. “Sometimes clients will say, ‘I can’t throw that out-it’s a card my mother gave me!’ But it might be a boring card signed ‘M.’ Instead, save a letter and toss that card,” says Madere. The same principle can help you winnow down a collection. Let’s say you have a load of inherited teapots. Pick a favorite that you would most want to see on a shelf in your home.

Marisa Cohen, a writer who lives in New York City, cherished her children’s baby clothes, as well as her own kicky urban-single-girl outfits. Clothes are sweetly painful proof that time waits for no one. Teeny babies become towering tweens. But Cohen had to learn to open her hand. “I’ve hung on to three things,” she says. “The green T-shirt I was wearing the night I met my husband and the baby hats my daughters wore home from the hospital. I keep them in the bottom of the under-bed boxes where I store off-season clothes. So twice a year, when I’m switching from winter to summer or vice versa, I hold them, have a moment, then put them back.”

Step 6 : Give Things a New Home
It’s easier to part with beloved objects if you can later envision them being used by others, says Madere. Just be careful and considerate when you distribute.

Of course, not everything can be given to friends or family. Often one person’s junk is-let’s face it-another person’s junk. So ask whether items are really wanted before you hand them off. If you get that “Oh, please no” look, donate the belongings instead. There are national organizations that would be grateful for your stuff, “but even better is giving where you live, for use in your own community,” says Madere. If you’re not sure where to give, a Google search of your ZIP code and the type of facility you would like to donate to should yield options.

Step 7 : Know Your ABC’s (Always Be Clearing)
Your relationship to sentimental items will probably change over time. “Give yourself permission to get rid of things you once cherished,” says Madere. Every year or so, take a hard look at what you’ve kept in the name of love, and toss or donate anything that’s become more of a burden than a sweet-memory trigger. “Distance gives you fresh perspective,” says Madere.

So what happens to sentimental items that make the cut? Madere advocates bringing them into your day-to-day life. “If it’s a stack of dishes that mean a lot to you, give them space in your kitchen and box up your own for donation,” she says. For less practical treasures, like mementos of a loved one, find a small cabinet and tuck them inside. Unlike a box in the attic, this setup invites spontaneous reminiscing.

Original article:  http://wwlp.com/2015/01/06/how-to-let-go-of-sentimental-clutter/