The Power of Reflection, Gratitude and Letting Go
There is something about a new year that activates both a desire to
reflect on the recent past and to make plans for the coming months. It's
important to first dedicate time for the reflection part of this
process before making your action plans. Reflection plays an essential
role in creating action steps that feel aligned with your inner dreams.
If you've been making choices that have not felt right, it's time to pay
attention.
What did I discover about myself?
What have I accomplished?
What were my successes?
What is finished?
What do I want to carry forward that doesn't feel complete?
Is there any place where I need to dig deeper to find the learning?
What do I feel grateful to have experienced?
Notice if you are doing something that no longer works for you. Truth will hide behind whatever choice you thought was going to be the "answer." Has a commitment you made previously become a struggle to continue? Have your resources shifted? It may be time to rebalance the scales so that you are not being depleted. Are you complete with a relationship, a place you've been living or with a career path? Perhaps you're ready to release an old way of thinking that defined what was permissible. Let go, so a more aligned picture can become visible.
This year I walked away from the security of a lucrative corporate job, stepping (leaping!) into unbounded space so that I could claim myself as teacher, speaker and writer. It's the second time that I left a career and livelihood. The first time was much scarier, when I stopped being a psychotherapist. Both times I had known that I needed to make the break. Both times there were compelling reasons that I stayed... until I no longer did and I left. That moment of taking action was true celebration, when I chose to heed my inner voice, to stay with my breath through each moment of hesitation and fear, knowing that my heart really only had the path forward.
In order to fully embrace your own story, you have to have immersed yourself in the chapters already written -- the ones that come before the pages you will write in the coming months. Claiming where you have come from is integral to moving forward. It seeds what you will become. All of your experiences, opportunities and learning get to travel with you -- not as baggage to haul through the airport, but as wings for a new expression to take flight. Acknowledge with a feeling of gratitude what you've received this past year; it will ground these gifts, spring boarding you into your next step. Then notice what you are ready to release; this opens space for you to create something fresh.
New beginnings sit outside the edges of what you already know. Allow yourself to get quiet, giving space for something new to unfold. Take a deep breath. Feel it circulate through your body, imagining it going to every cell. Visualize your breath filling each of your cells with light. Let yourself sink into this great inner silence so that you can connect with what is unknown and unformed within you. This is the place where new possibilities begin to reveal themselves to you.
Aren't you ready for something new this year?
Original article by Laurie Seymour:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/laurie-seymour/the-power-of-reflection-g_b_6413406.html
What did I discover about myself?
What have I accomplished?
What were my successes?
What is finished?
What do I want to carry forward that doesn't feel complete?
Is there any place where I need to dig deeper to find the learning?
What do I feel grateful to have experienced?
Notice if you are doing something that no longer works for you. Truth will hide behind whatever choice you thought was going to be the "answer." Has a commitment you made previously become a struggle to continue? Have your resources shifted? It may be time to rebalance the scales so that you are not being depleted. Are you complete with a relationship, a place you've been living or with a career path? Perhaps you're ready to release an old way of thinking that defined what was permissible. Let go, so a more aligned picture can become visible.
This year I walked away from the security of a lucrative corporate job, stepping (leaping!) into unbounded space so that I could claim myself as teacher, speaker and writer. It's the second time that I left a career and livelihood. The first time was much scarier, when I stopped being a psychotherapist. Both times I had known that I needed to make the break. Both times there were compelling reasons that I stayed... until I no longer did and I left. That moment of taking action was true celebration, when I chose to heed my inner voice, to stay with my breath through each moment of hesitation and fear, knowing that my heart really only had the path forward.
In order to fully embrace your own story, you have to have immersed yourself in the chapters already written -- the ones that come before the pages you will write in the coming months. Claiming where you have come from is integral to moving forward. It seeds what you will become. All of your experiences, opportunities and learning get to travel with you -- not as baggage to haul through the airport, but as wings for a new expression to take flight. Acknowledge with a feeling of gratitude what you've received this past year; it will ground these gifts, spring boarding you into your next step. Then notice what you are ready to release; this opens space for you to create something fresh.
New beginnings sit outside the edges of what you already know. Allow yourself to get quiet, giving space for something new to unfold. Take a deep breath. Feel it circulate through your body, imagining it going to every cell. Visualize your breath filling each of your cells with light. Let yourself sink into this great inner silence so that you can connect with what is unknown and unformed within you. This is the place where new possibilities begin to reveal themselves to you.
Aren't you ready for something new this year?
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/laurie-seymour/the-power-of-reflection-g_b_6413406.html
How Forgiveness Benefits Your Health
picture: pixabay |
A new study expounds upon the link between mind and body; it shows that holding a grudge may not weigh only on your mind but also upon your physical person. Published in Social Psychological & Personality Science, the research states that the act of forgiveness — pardoning someone who has done you wrong — can not only metaphorically lift a burden off your shoulders, but it can do so physically, as well.
The authors of the study, from Erasmus University’s Rotterdam School of Management in the Netherlands, had 46 undergraduate students participate in two experiments. The first involved half of the students writing about “a time when they were seriously offended by another person, and ultimately forgave them.” The other half of students were asked to write about a similar incident, but one in which they never forgave the person and continued to view them negatively.
After each writing exercise, the students in both groups walked to a certain point in a nearby hill and were asked to estimate its slant. Interestingly, those who had written about their experience of forgiving someone estimated the hill to be less steep than those who were still thinking about their negative feelings towards someone they hadn’t forgiven.
Weighed Down By Grudges
In the second experiment, 160 undergraduate students from Erasmus University and National University of Singapore were divided into three groups. The first wrote about an experience in which they were harmed by another person but forgave them; the second wrote about a similar situation but one in which they didn’t forgive the person; and the third wrote about a “recent interpersonal interaction” that didn’t necessarily involve harming or forgiveness. They were then tested in an “ostensible physical fitness task,” in which they were measured by the height of their jumps. The researchers found that the students who had written about forgiveness jumped higher on average than those who focused on the negative feelings involved with not forgiving someone. However, the jumping difference between those who forgave and those who simply wrote about a neutral interpersonal interaction was minimal: proving that it was the act of holding a grudge that was “weighing” people down.“The benefits of forgiveness may go beyond the constructive consequences that have been established in the psychological and health domains,” the researchers write. “Our research shows that forgivers perceive a less daunting world, and perform better on challenging physical tasks.”
More research will need to be completed before researchers fully understand what causes lack of forgiveness to be a burden of sorts, or a limitation holding someone back. But it might have something to do with power, the authors point out: “Victims who are unable to reconcile with their offenders often feel a sense of powerlessness,” they write. Forgiving, on the other hand, provides a person with a greater sense of self-worth and power, which is often manifested into enhanced physical ability. Another possibility is that holding a grudge “can increase rumination, which may decrease the availability of cognitive resources such as glucose that can otherwise be used to cope with physical challenges such as jumping or climbing a hill.”
According to the Mayo Clinic, forgiveness brings with it plenty of health benefits, including improved relationships, decreased anxiety and stress, lower blood pressure, a lowered risk of depression, and stronger immune and heart health. Letting go of negative emotions can often have a remarkable impact on the body.
“A state of unforgiveness is like carrying a heavy burden — a burden that victims bring with them when they navigate the physical world,” the authors write. “Forgiveness can lighten this burden.”
Source: Zheng X, Fehr R, Tai K, Narayanan J, Gelfand M. “The Unburdening Effects of Forgiveness Effects on Slant Perception and Jumping Height.” Social Psychological & Personality Science, 2014.
http://www.medicaldaily.com/how-forgiveness-benefits-your-health-forgiving-wrongdoers-can-expand-physical-fitness-316902
Let It Go: Learning to move on and forgive your kid
Our kids do things that drive us nuts and make us crazy. That is a reality of parenting.
They don’t listen to us when we try to guide them, they wait until the last minute to do their homework, they leave their rooms a mess, they get bad grades, they can just be plain rude, they complain, they don’t come home when we tell them a specific time, they are brutal to their siblings, they glue themselves to the TV or video games when we tell them to get ready for dinner and the list goes on.
They are simply being kids, and that is what they do. They will either apologize (or they won’t) or we will make them say “I’m Sorry.” The question is, how do we let it go? How do we forgive? And why is forgiveness so important?
Kids are like tornado's. They swirl in, do the damage and then suddenly things return to normal after the storm. That’s what they think. Kids are unaware of the damage the storm does in its wake, leaving the parent feeling drained and exhausted and often resentful and angry.
Forgiveness means letting go of anger and resentment; it also means to let go of feelings of revenge. Sometimes when our kids do things and we feel angry about it, we hold a grudge. Grudges are bad -- bad for the parent and equally bad for the kids.
Holding a grudge and consistently bringing it back to the parent-child relationship is damaging to the kids. Reminding kids over and over again about the “bad behaviors” they have engaged in is unnecessary and not an effective way to parent.
Have a talk, express your thoughts, attempt to understand their point of view, accept their apology and move on. Parents are the ultimate role models, and if a parent can’t let go, the child will learn to hold grudges, too, and will never feel they are forgiven and can move on.
Human beings are flawed. We make mistakes all of the time. This is an important and crucial aspect of life. That’s what makes us so interesting.
Grudges are unhealthy. Mayo Clinic reports that if you're unforgiving, you might:
According to Mayo Clinic, letting go of grudges and bitterness can make way for happiness, health and peace. Forgiveness can lead to:
Being aware of and insightful about our own behavior is crucial in forgiveness. Understanding that forgiveness is healthy and leads us to happy relationships is important.
The more we practice forgiveness, the easier it gets. Remember, practice makes perfect (or close to it).
Reflect on the facts of the situation, how you've reacted and how this combination has affected your life, health and well-being. Practice empathy, which is trying to understand emotionally what happened from the point of view of the person who wronged you.
“The Tiny Buddha, Simple Wisdom for Complex Lives” states the following: “How did I forgive when it was hard? I came to this realization: No one ever gets to the end of their life and thinks, ‘I wish I stayed angry longer.’ They generally say one of three things: ‘I’m sorry,’ ‘I forgive you’ or 'I love you.’ ”
Allyson Tomchin is a licensed psychotherapist and founder of Directive Energy, a counseling practice in Hollywood. She can be reached at 954-925-9071, atomchin@directiveenergy.com and directiveenergy.com. She is currently accepting new clients.
Original article can be found at:
http://www.sun-sentinel.com/features/south-florida-parenting/sfp-let-it-go-learning-to-move-on-and-forgive-your-kid-20150107-story.html
They don’t listen to us when we try to guide them, they wait until the last minute to do their homework, they leave their rooms a mess, they get bad grades, they can just be plain rude, they complain, they don’t come home when we tell them a specific time, they are brutal to their siblings, they glue themselves to the TV or video games when we tell them to get ready for dinner and the list goes on.
They are simply being kids, and that is what they do. They will either apologize (or they won’t) or we will make them say “I’m Sorry.” The question is, how do we let it go? How do we forgive? And why is forgiveness so important?
Kids are like tornado's. They swirl in, do the damage and then suddenly things return to normal after the storm. That’s what they think. Kids are unaware of the damage the storm does in its wake, leaving the parent feeling drained and exhausted and often resentful and angry.
Forgiveness means letting go of anger and resentment; it also means to let go of feelings of revenge. Sometimes when our kids do things and we feel angry about it, we hold a grudge. Grudges are bad -- bad for the parent and equally bad for the kids.
Holding a grudge and consistently bringing it back to the parent-child relationship is damaging to the kids. Reminding kids over and over again about the “bad behaviors” they have engaged in is unnecessary and not an effective way to parent.
Have a talk, express your thoughts, attempt to understand their point of view, accept their apology and move on. Parents are the ultimate role models, and if a parent can’t let go, the child will learn to hold grudges, too, and will never feel they are forgiven and can move on.
Human beings are flawed. We make mistakes all of the time. This is an important and crucial aspect of life. That’s what makes us so interesting.
Grudges are unhealthy. Mayo Clinic reports that if you're unforgiving, you might:
- Bring anger and bitterness into every relationship and new experience
- Become so wrapped up in the wrong that you can't enjoy the present
- Become depressed or anxious
- Feel that your life lacks meaning or purpose, or that you're at odds with your spiritual beliefs
- Lose valuable and enriching connectedness with others
According to Mayo Clinic, letting go of grudges and bitterness can make way for happiness, health and peace. Forgiveness can lead to:
- Healthier relationships
- Greater spiritual and psychological well-being
- Less anxiety, stress and hostility
- Lower blood pressure
- Fewer symptoms of depression
- Stronger immune system
- Improved heart health
- Higher self-esteem
Being aware of and insightful about our own behavior is crucial in forgiveness. Understanding that forgiveness is healthy and leads us to happy relationships is important.
The more we practice forgiveness, the easier it gets. Remember, practice makes perfect (or close to it).
Reflect on the facts of the situation, how you've reacted and how this combination has affected your life, health and well-being. Practice empathy, which is trying to understand emotionally what happened from the point of view of the person who wronged you.
“The Tiny Buddha, Simple Wisdom for Complex Lives” states the following: “How did I forgive when it was hard? I came to this realization: No one ever gets to the end of their life and thinks, ‘I wish I stayed angry longer.’ They generally say one of three things: ‘I’m sorry,’ ‘I forgive you’ or 'I love you.’ ”
Allyson Tomchin is a licensed psychotherapist and founder of Directive Energy, a counseling practice in Hollywood. She can be reached at 954-925-9071, atomchin@directiveenergy.com and directiveenergy.com. She is currently accepting new clients.
Original article can be found at:
http://www.sun-sentinel.com/features/south-florida-parenting/sfp-let-it-go-learning-to-move-on-and-forgive-your-kid-20150107-story.html
Why Didn’t The Surrogate Tapping Cure Her Cancer?
Gene Monterastelli |
Tapping itself is difficult enough to explain, but trying to explain how I can tap on my body to promote change in someone else is a whole other level.
At that point it sounds like we are talking about woo-woo crap that just can’t be true.
In the last few weeks I have witnessed some amazing things with surrogate tapping (or at least they appear to be the result of surrogate tapping).
First, my sister regularly takes her dog Addison to the vet. Like many animals, Addison gets really nervous when she visits the vet and she especially hates having her nails clipped. When a trip to the vet is scheduled my sister will send me a text so that I can tap for Addison (from the other side of the United States). And next I receive a picture from my sister of Addison lying calmly on the ground completely relaxed and serene. It has happened too many times for me to dismiss this as some kind of coincidence.
Second, I have been working with a family with a child who has been diagnosed on the autism spectrum. Over the last six months the family has seen some amazing results with surrogate tapping. A few weeks ago their son started to backslide and lost almost all the progress he had made to date. I put together a short tapping sequence and within a day he not only regained everything the family had achieved from the tapping, but it also triggered a significant clearing and release on a physical level from his system (I won’t go into detail here but am sure you get the picture!).
Sometimes people ask me how all this works and all I can think to say is, “I have no idea!”
With that being said, it doesn’t always work. Just because we are surrogate tapping it doesn’t mean that progress happens. There are times when we tap and yet we cannot perceive any progress.
Two years ago, a very dear friend of mine’s 33-year-old body succumbed to cancer. As I wrote about what it was like to tap for her I asked, “Why didn’t the surrogate tapping work?”
Because of the number of people who have been asking me about surrogate tapping (and specifically about my experience tapping for a friend with cancer) I thought this would be the perfect time to revisit the idea of surrogate tapping.
In this audio I talk about surrogate tapping, when I do it, and why I think it didn’t work on my friend’s cancer.
You can listen to Gene's podcast on this subject here:
http://tappingqanda.com/2014/12/podcast-151-why-didnt-the-surrogate-tapping-cure-her-cancer/
What Else is Possible?
What else is possible today?
I was listening to a pod cast as I frequently do and it inspired me more than most.
Countless times in my life, I have met challenges head on. I have always been a creative problem solver, staring life's demons in the eyes until I had the answer.
The energy draining head chatter was littered with struggle, resistance, worry and fear of the unknown.
I was always very proud that I pushed through until the answer revealed itself.
As I reflected, I realized that at the points that I felt the lowest were the ones which made me feel there was no way out. I didn't have the answers, I didn't have any idea how it was ever going to work out. I logically couldn't make sense of any good ending. Even though I believed in miracles, somehow they always seemed out of reach because I couldn't see them materializing.
What I now realize, is that you don't get what you ask for, you get what you expect. Many times, I expected a negative outcome because I couldn't imagine it any differently. I didn't have the answers, I didn't have faith in myself or a higher power.
As I listened to Sheila Gale in this particular podcast, she said something that struck a chord. She said that every time you have a answer or state a fact there is a period at the end. There is no other possibility. Every time you ask a question, it equals a possibility!
Instead of saying, "This day can't get any worse", turn it around and say "What do I need to do to make this day more pleasant? Or "What has to happen to make this day better?"
When a question is asked, it opens up the doors to endless possibilities. Possibilities that we could never imagine.
We don't need to know the answers, be in control or be able to make sense of our challenges. All we need is hope.
So the next time you are faced with a challenge or you feel like there is no way out, ask a question and let the universe deliver the answer!
"What would it take to calm my inner storm today"?
Here is a tapping script to help and remember to change the words to fit your personal situation so it resonates with you!
The inspiration for this post was from a podcast featuring Sheila Gale
I was listening to a pod cast as I frequently do and it inspired me more than most.
Countless times in my life, I have met challenges head on. I have always been a creative problem solver, staring life's demons in the eyes until I had the answer.
The energy draining head chatter was littered with struggle, resistance, worry and fear of the unknown.
I was always very proud that I pushed through until the answer revealed itself.
As I reflected, I realized that at the points that I felt the lowest were the ones which made me feel there was no way out. I didn't have the answers, I didn't have any idea how it was ever going to work out. I logically couldn't make sense of any good ending. Even though I believed in miracles, somehow they always seemed out of reach because I couldn't see them materializing.
What I now realize, is that you don't get what you ask for, you get what you expect. Many times, I expected a negative outcome because I couldn't imagine it any differently. I didn't have the answers, I didn't have faith in myself or a higher power.
As I listened to Sheila Gale in this particular podcast, she said something that struck a chord. She said that every time you have a answer or state a fact there is a period at the end. There is no other possibility. Every time you ask a question, it equals a possibility!
Instead of saying, "This day can't get any worse", turn it around and say "What do I need to do to make this day more pleasant? Or "What has to happen to make this day better?"
When a question is asked, it opens up the doors to endless possibilities. Possibilities that we could never imagine.
We don't need to know the answers, be in control or be able to make sense of our challenges. All we need is hope.
So the next time you are faced with a challenge or you feel like there is no way out, ask a question and let the universe deliver the answer!
"What would it take to calm my inner storm today"?
Here is a tapping script to help and remember to change the words to fit your personal situation so it resonates with you!
Start with the Karate chop point.
Karate chop point:
"Even though I don't have all the answers, I love and accept myself anyway”
"Even though I have no idea how this is going to work out, I accept this feeling and everything it means to me”
"Even though it feels like the walls are closing in on me, I love who I am and how I am dealing with this situation”
Round One:
EB: I don't have any answers
SE: All this fear
UE: I am so scared
UN: The walls are closing in
CH: I don't see any way out
CB: How in the world is this going to work out
UA: I have no idea
HD: I feel helpless
WR: I am shaking inside
** Now take a deep breath or two and proceed to the second round of tapping**
Round Two:
EB: How can I let go
SE: How can I relax
UE: It's so hard
UN: I want to solve it now
CH: What if it's easier than I thought
CB: What if the universe has my back
UA: I might be able to relax a little
HD: If I didn't feel like I had to have the answers
WR: I could sit back and wait for the answers to be revealed
** Now take a deep breath or two and proceed to the third round of tapping**
Round Three:
EB: This fear is serving no useful purpose
SE: If I can let go of this situation, what else can I let go of
UE: What can I do today to let it all go
UN: Maybe it's easier than I ever thought
CH: What has to happen to calm my inner storm
CB: What has to happen to let the sun shine again
UA: I am getting excited thinking about all the possibilities
HD: I don't have to have all the answers
WR: I only need to relax and let it all unfold before me
**Now take a deep breath or two and proceed to the fourth round of tapping**
"Even though I don't have all the answers, I love and accept myself anyway”
"Even though I have no idea how this is going to work out, I accept this feeling and everything it means to me”
"Even though it feels like the walls are closing in on me, I love who I am and how I am dealing with this situation”
Round One:
EB: I don't have any answers
SE: All this fear
UE: I am so scared
UN: The walls are closing in
CH: I don't see any way out
CB: How in the world is this going to work out
UA: I have no idea
HD: I feel helpless
WR: I am shaking inside
** Now take a deep breath or two and proceed to the second round of tapping**
Round Two:
EB: How can I let go
SE: How can I relax
UE: It's so hard
UN: I want to solve it now
CH: What if it's easier than I thought
CB: What if the universe has my back
UA: I might be able to relax a little
HD: If I didn't feel like I had to have the answers
WR: I could sit back and wait for the answers to be revealed
** Now take a deep breath or two and proceed to the third round of tapping**
Round Three:
EB: This fear is serving no useful purpose
SE: If I can let go of this situation, what else can I let go of
UE: What can I do today to let it all go
UN: Maybe it's easier than I ever thought
CH: What has to happen to calm my inner storm
CB: What has to happen to let the sun shine again
UA: I am getting excited thinking about all the possibilities
HD: I don't have to have all the answers
WR: I only need to relax and let it all unfold before me
**Now take a deep breath or two and proceed to the fourth round of tapping**
Round Four:
EB: It’s time to let it go
SE: Let it go
UE: Let it go
UN: It’s safe to let it go
CH: I’m safe
CB: All the fear, all the hopelessness, all the helplessness
UA: It’s safe to let them all go
HD: I’m ready to let them go
WR: I'm ready to move on !
SE: Let it go
UE: Let it go
UN: It’s safe to let it go
CH: I’m safe
CB: All the fear, all the hopelessness, all the helplessness
UA: It’s safe to let them all go
HD: I’m ready to let them go
WR: I'm ready to move on !
**Take a deep breath and say “PEACE”**
Showering you with blessings of endless possibilities!
Cindy (Selvaggio) Shumaker
Showering you with blessings of endless possibilities!
Cindy (Selvaggio) Shumaker
The inspiration for this post was from a podcast featuring Sheila Gale
What Does It Take To “Stay Positive”?
We hear it all the time…”Just be positive” but nobody tells us HOW to do it! There is a HOW and on this show you’ll learn a few ways to help you become a more positive person, to rebound faster and be more resilient than you ever thought possible. Join Dr Mary Ayers on today’s show as she shows you what it takes to “Stay Positive”.
There will be plenty of tapping so come ready for things to be different in your life.
Mary Ayers, PhD, LMFT brings with her over 26 years as a accomplished Licensed Therapist, Coach! Author and top EFT/Tapping expert. All of her coaching programs are filled with ‘unconventional’, ‘fail-proof’ practical strategies you can use immediately to get results. For more information go to, www.tapintoaction.com and you can email her at Mary@tapintoaction.com
There will be plenty of tapping so come ready for things to be different in your life.
Mary Ayers, PhD, LMFT brings with her over 26 years as a accomplished Licensed Therapist, Coach! Author and top EFT/Tapping expert. All of her coaching programs are filled with ‘unconventional’, ‘fail-proof’ practical strategies you can use immediately to get results. For more information go to, www.tapintoaction.com and you can email her at Mary@tapintoaction.com
As You Get Older You Will Understand
I loved this picture from the first time I saw it.
With each passing year, I have come to appreciate the wisdom the past year has brought, the inner guidance that has kept me on track and the calmness that has penetrated my spirit.
Even though I have done my best to maintain the best version of myself that I can, I know that at the heart of it all, it's all about the journey and the imprint it has made on my soul.
I welcome the new year with an open mind and open arms !
With each passing year, I have come to appreciate the wisdom the past year has brought, the inner guidance that has kept me on track and the calmness that has penetrated my spirit.
Even though I have done my best to maintain the best version of myself that I can, I know that at the heart of it all, it's all about the journey and the imprint it has made on my soul.
I welcome the new year with an open mind and open arms !
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)